Everything has been one big, real big, surreal blur. There's a languorous feeling clouded in my mind that threatened to sweep away, revealing the cruel, harsh fate. What's there to achieve in life. We tax our brains; we crack it real hard that piecing them bit by bit seems innately impossible. I'm not sure what I want in life. I wasn't sure. And I sure as hell can't name one - even one - aspiration of mine.
My question? Why, or rather, what am I working so hard for? I don't see anything. I don't see anything ahead of me.
My classmates, friends alike, are all nonchalant, a little pressured by the upcoming November A Levels but happy nonetheless and I'm glad that I could share their joy, even if it's only a little. I could laugh. I could smile with them. But it all fails to a heavy heart that threatened to burst each time I try. I'm trying my best. I really am. But I could only find a small girl, struggling against the insurmountable waves, tattered at the lips and torn by the heart.
I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid of unleashing this wave of trepidation; this feeling of giving up seems so close I could almost taste it in my mouth. I cried. But specks of tears have dried up, there's none left in me to cry anymore.
I don't know what I'm doing in, with my life. Everything seems so foggy.
It has been a few years now. A few years of living in this insipid prison.